Introduction:

In my intro I added a large section describing Gee’s, Delpit’s and Jordan’s views on Discourse. I also further stated my claim and placement on the hypothetical argument of how Dominant Discourse effects you. At the very end of my intro I made sure to make my claim abundantly clear to set up the rest of my paper.

Evidence and Explanations:

Starting with the second paragraph I added more evidence from Gee’s article in order to add background for where my claim was coming from, and then continued into my analysis of Jordan’s paper. On the second page I added a large section of evidence from Jordan’s article where her students are deciding whether or not to use Black English or Standard English. Throughout the paper I added more of my ideas to support my claim as opposed to just the ideas already written by Gee, Jordan, and Delpit.

Reorganization:

Overall the structure, and way paragraphs fit into my paper did not change too much however in each individual paragraph I did swap sentences, or add to make the flow better. Especially when it came to adding my own claims and ideas I had to do a lot of reorganizing. Specifically I had to add sentences with my ideas, and edit previous sentences to keep the flow as it was before. In the end the paper was similar in structure, with added bits and slight organization to keep the flow of the paper from start to finish.

New Paragraphs:

In this assignment I actually did not add new paragraphs, but instead added ideas to the current paragraphs in order to expand on ideas. My first draft, although long, did not have nearly enough detail on my ideas, or evidence to support them. In turn during revision I added detail and my ideas where they needed to be which lengthened my paper far beyond the first draft. In reality I actually removed my conclusion paragraph and added my conclusion to the previous paragraph. This was because on re inspection I realized that my 2nd to last paragraph in the first draft was already sort of a conclusion, and with the addition of some more sentences I was able to make it a much better conclusion then before. Basically, in my first draft I almost had two conclusion paragraphs, so in the final draft I removed the last one and instead joined the two together into a much better conclusion.